Androgen deprivation . H/T

   At the time of my diagnosis the only treatment available to me was hormone therapy. A friend of mine who passed away from Pca told me it would only work for six months. That was all the longer that it worked for him. He was diagnosed 2 years prior to me and died 2 years after I received my dx. The treatment worked much better and longer in my case. I did not have to change treatment for five full years. During the course of that time my P.S.A. dropped from over 3200 to less than 0.05. The metastasis in my body was undetectable with a C.T. scan. My doctor said that these were very impressive results. I was thrilled to be doing so well and I began to sleep a little easier at night. The hormones were doing their job and beating back the cancer but with the successful treatment came all of the side effects. The purpose of this blog entry is to list the side effects I experienced and the way that I dealt with them to minimize the effect they had on my quality of life. Hormones effect different men in different ways. The broad range of side effects are not experienced by any two men the same way. With each side effect, humor played a huge role in dealing with it. Faith played an even stronger role in the big picture but learning to laugh at myself was the key component in my day to day struggle. This is not a complete list of side effects. This blog includes only those that I personally dealt with. One thing to remember in any cancer treatment is "attitude is everything". If you think you are beaten, you are!!

   Three days after my first Lupron injection, I had my first hot flash. They grew in both number and intensity over the next few months. At the peak I was having a couple dozen a day lasting 5 minutes or so. I hated them. I did however find empathy for my mom and every other woman over 50 years old. The worst of them came in he night while trying to sleep. Mandy likes to be warm when she sleeps. We learned to co-exist by having a small fan blowing air on my face and I slept covered only by a sheet. The hot flashes were pretty steady for about two years then began to wane as my body adjusted to its new normal. I rarely have hot flashes anymore. 

    Eighteen months into treatment my chest began to feel tender and swollen. I was starting to grow breasts. After several months I made the decision to have them radiated. It was bad enough that I was being pumped full of female hormones every 4 months. There was no way I was going through life with a pair of breasts. After all, what would the guys think? The treatment was easy but I didn't count on the nice little tan that encircled my nipples. Needless to say I kept my shirt on that summer. I wish I had done the radiation sooner. The growth stopped but I will always be a little puffy in that area. I am told it is not noticeable but I know it is there and remain self conscious about it. I am told that I stand a good chance of developing breast cancer in the next ten years. Maybe one day I will be wearing both pink and blue ribbons. I hope not.

   Fatigue is another promonent side effect caused by H/T. Since starting the hormones I would just as soon sit on the couch as do anything. I compare it to a dog who has been neutered and just wants to lay on the porch. Essentially it is the same thing. Hormone therapy is chemical castration. Fortunately I have a very proactive outgoing wife. Mandy was not about to watch me turn into a couch potato. She kept me moving as I worked through the fatigue. We are always doing something on a long list of activities we both enjoy. The list includes hiking, biking, kayaking, snowshoeng, fishing, hunting, skiing, water skiing, snowmobiling, boating, and much much more. We bought a camper a while back so being in the great outdoors is now a year round activity. I couldn't have done this on my own. I wouldn't have done this on my own. I could just as easily have stopped living but Mandy wouldn't let me. At first I whined about it. I told her I was tired and didn't feel like going for a walk or a bike ride but I always felt better afterward. I always felt younger. 

Sometimes I would forget all about cancer. It also helped me combat the battle of the bulge. Weight gain is inevitable on H/T. When I started I weighed in at a lean 145. Prior to starting Zytiga, I tipped the scales at a healthy 170 pounds. I have since lost 20 pounds due to a loss of appetite, but I am now beginning to gain it back again. 

   The most troublesome side effect of H/T is E.D. and the lack of libido. It was no problem for me. I didn't think about sex anymore so E.D. wasn't really an issue. It was a huge issue for my bride and rightly so.  At first my H.M.O. was pretty good about loading me up on Viagra and Cialis but they ended that program and left me on my own to solve the problem. I am not going into great detail about this subject other than to say we were diligent in our endeavors. Although our physical relationship is not as good as either of us would like it to be, we still manage to be together 1 or 2 times a week. I still lack the physical desire so it has become a mental game. I have learned to will myself to be in the mood. Sometimes we need help from E.D. Medication but just as often we don't. We are blessed to be able to continue physical love when so many cannot. 

   So this is it. I have been on hormone therapy of one kind or another for 93 months. It's not what I wanted but it is what I got. I am alive. In the time time that has passed since diagnosis there have been a plethora of new medications come online to combat this cancer. Sometimes I am still afraid. When those times come I fall back on my faith and the verse in psalms given to my on that very first day. It is the promise that I cling to when all else fails. My journey through H/T may never be over until my life is over but because of the hormones I am here to perhaps see the day when they cure this disease. Todd

The challenge of Zytiga

I was prescribed Zytiga nearing 6 months ago. I was hoping to get a longer run out of Provenge but I am comfortable with the knowledge that it is still at work empowering my immune system. I believe I have been on this drug long enough to share my experience with others that may be considering the use of it in their Pca battle. 

   Zytiga for the most part has been an easy ride and to date it has been very effective. My Psa has dropped from 29 to 0.29. It is comforting to know that it is doing as advertised. For the most part I feel pretty good but Zytiga with Prednisone has more side effects then I had expected. The first side effects I dealt with were nausea and headaches. The nausea would start soon after taking my pills and usually lasted until I could eat an hour later. It wasn't severe nausea. I simply had a queasy unsettled feeling in my stomach. The headaches were another matter. Sometimes they would last only an hour or so and other times they would last for days. There were times I would wake to a throbbing headache lasting the entire day. Some were so severe that I wanted to put a gun to my head just to make it stop. Recently the headaches have waned somewhat but I still get the occasional whammer. When I feel one coming on I take two Advil or Tylenol and it usually goes away. If I don't catch it in time it will  last all day. 

    Fatigue is another side effect I have been coping with. There is no other way to say it. I am always tired. It has been getting a little better lately but with my heavy work schedule it is hard to wake up in the morning. 

    Every since starting Zytiga I have steadily lost weigh. I started the treatment weighing in at 170 pounds. I am now down to 150 and the weight is still dropping. I just don't have the appetite I use to have. For example,I use to eat half a large pizza but now I feel full after only a few slices. I am not sure if this is good or bad yet. If my weight stabilizes soon then I won't worry about it. The truth is that I needed to lose a few pounds. If I keep losing weight then we will need to do something. I have also lost muscle mass and that disturbs me more than anything. I don't feel as strong as I use to. I started playing with some small dumb bells but due to the fatigue I find it really hard to be motivated. Mandy keeps me going. We still hike and bike and when summer arrives we will be doing more. 

   The most troubling side effect to date is the fog my brain always seems to be in. A dozen or more times a day I find myself walking into a room and wondering why I was going there. I know I was going there for something. I forget people's names. Not just people I rarely see but friends and co-workers I see every day. It is so frustrating. I write myself notes to keep from forgetting and then forget where I put the notes. 

   E.D. Has been an issue since my diagnosis. My body had adjusted to the low testosterone to a point where E.D. Medicine was no longer needed. Now that I basically have zero testosterone it is hit and miss. I am not complaining. Many men have never regained sexual function so having to use Trimix does not bother me too much. I don't always need it but it does help my confidence. 

   It is not my intention to scare anyone away from Zytiga. It is a very effective drug. I have met men who have been on it for two years. Not all men experience side effects. Some people gain weight. I have always been Atypical. I just want guys to have a better idea of what is going to happen when the start this drug. I didn't have a clue and I have been disturbed by some of the outcome. The bottom line for me however is that I am alive. The cancer is in retreat. The side effects aren't pleaseant but they are tollerable. The hot flashes were really bad for a month but I haven't had one since and I am still on Lupron. I guess there was a couple positives to go along with the negatives. I still believe that Provenge is the best bang for the buck. I realize that some men experience side effects with Provenge but I was not one of them. Zytiga is a good drug but if you have the option, do Provenge first. Fight for it and don't take no for an answer. 

    I have to work a 160 hours during the next two weeks so if I don't  post much to my blog don't worry. I hope 2014 is going good for all of you and I hope for nothing but zeros in your life. Todd

Welcome 2014

Have you ever noticed when things start going good that calamity is just around the corner. It reminds me of the foolish bird who waited too long to fly south for the winter. When he finally decided to leave it was freezing and snowing and as the bird struggled to fly against the storm his wings iced up and he fell to the earth. As the little bird lay on the frozen earth near death a cow walking by took a big old dump on the bird and buried him in bovine fecal matter. Things were grim for the little bird it seemed but the warmth of the manure thawed his wings and he began to feel so good that he jumped up from the manure and began to sing. A cat hunting in the area heard the singing bird and ate him.

This story has thee morals.
1) He who shits on you may not be your enemy
2) He who gets you out of the shit may not be your friend
3) If you are warm and happy in a pile of shit then keep your mouth shut.

2013 was a great year. The first few days of 2014.....not so much

Yesterday Mandy had a flat tire on her her car. I inspected her tires just a few days earlier and made a mental note to add a new set of tires into the budget. I was hoping to get them next month. She had driven only a short distance when the right front tire blew. She was so close to the house and wearing her scrubs she opted to limp it home on the rim. The flat tire was unexpected but it wasn't really a big deal. Her only option for getting to work was to take my truck. Two miles from the house she hit black ice did a 180 on the highway and slammed into the guardrail. Mandy is a cautious driver and was traveling at a low rate of speed but on the ice she had no control. I am so glad she was in the truck and not in her little car. She was completely unharmed. The big heavy tuck absorbed all of the impact as she bent the steel guardrail into a large horse shoe. My truck on the other hand was not so lucky.  We dropped it off at the body shop yesterday. I estimate the damage to be about $3500 dollars of which we will pay a thousand out of our pocket.  

    Upon arriving home from work on Friday, the day of the blown tire and fender bender, I turned on the television only to find that it had also made the journey into the electronics afterworld. The Seahawks are in the playoffs people. Going without a television is not an option. They say that calamities come in threes. I hope we are finished for the year.

    For several months now I have been writing about our many blessings. I, like the little bird, have been standing on my own little pile singing a joyful song at the top of my lungs. We are blessed.! There is no doubt about that but maybe I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. Hey it's only money. We can always make more but it was a bummer to have to take that little piece of plastic out of my wallet when I finally had it paid off.  We bought the best tires available. Mandy has to drive in icy road conditions far too often to purchase economy tires. Television are much cheaper then they were when we bought our last one. We spent the same amaont of money as last time and got a better brand and a much bigger screen. The truck will be home in a week and be fixed good as new. 2014 got off to a rocky start in a material sense but my Psa is down to 0.29. 

   Life is good even when it throws the occasional curve ball.

Thank all of you for reading my blog. Please feel free to share it with anyone you wish. Todd

2013. Now that was a good year.

    Twenty thirteen will go down as one of the best years of my life.  I honestly can't remember a year that was better. It was a year spent traveling and making new friends. It was a year that overshadowed  the underlying reason for this blog . It was a year where cancer truly took a backseat to living. When I am an old man talking about the good old days I will be referring to 2013.

   They say that life begins at 40. I turned 40 in 2003 and it was the beginning of the end for me. Thankfully, I had a few angels to deliver me from a self made hell but at 42 years old I was starting over from the lowest point of my life. It took several years to make good on old debts and repair my credit. It took even longer to undue the damage I had inflicted on my family. The day I turned 40 all I had to my name was a few pieces of furniture , a wrecked truck, a toolbox full of tools, and a few guitars. There were a lot of people who wrote me off as a loser. Those people are no longer in my life. When you are standing in a hole that you dug around you and your looking up thinking to yourself  "how am I ever going to get out of this hole " it can be a little intimidating. A lot of my blog has talked about my past. The struggles that I went through are the frame work for the life we have built from the ashes of a life once ruined. Today I surround myself only with those people who never faltered in believing in me.

   I met Mandy the week of my 42nd birthday. At the time we were only interested in friendship and for several months that's all it was. In late spring we began to date. To her, it didn't matter that I was living in a condemned double wide trailer. She didn't care that my credit sucked or that I was an ex junky. It didn't bother her that I drove a wrecked truck. She saw through all of those things and believed in me. Shortly after our 2nd date I was diagnosed but she was completely unscathed in her commitment to our relationship. I am a very lucky man. We had a June wedding in 2007 and set to work fixing our credit. In April of 08 we moved into our own home. We never knew how long we might have together. We committed to living life every day and planning for a future that we might not have. Our logic was simple. Nobody knows how long they will live so " why should we live our life different than anyone else ?" It has worked to our favor.

    2013 began with our annual snowmobile trip to Bend Oregon. We had celebrated New Years in Bend the two previous years and it has become a tradition. This was the first year we had included our daughter. We rang in the new year snowmobiling, ice skating, and eating at Mcminnimans. We shopped and played and had a wonderful time.

     Two weeks later Mandy and I boarded a plane for Tampa Florida. It was there that I was the guest speaker for the annual Dendreon convention. We stayed at the  Renaissance Vinoy in downtown St. Petersburg Florida. We were treated like rock stars. We basked in the sun and swam in the warm waters of  the Gulf of Mexico at Siesta Key. It was a wonderful contrast to the cold grey sky's of Southwest Washington. On the final day of the event I was presented with a guitar that was covered with signatures of all who attended. It was a remarkable event.

   February was a quiet month by comparison. We celebrated Mandy's birthday and Valentines day and our band played one weekend. It was nice to finally relax a little after the holidays. During this time my Psa had stayed nice and low. In celebration we traded our tired Dodge Durango in on the truck I never thought I would own. It is a beautiful Atlantic Blue 3/4 ton Dodge with a 5.9 Cummins turbo Diesel engine. I can't believe it is mine.

   In March I made two more trips for Dendreon. I first visited the facility in Seal Beach California and a week later they flew me to their facility in Atlanta Georgia. On those two excursions I met a lot of great people. I was awestruck by the commitment to detail and the overall professionalism of everyone I met. I made friendships that I am certain will last a lifetime. While in Atlanta I was also able to share an evening and a meal with two friends that I had only known from healingwell.com. Waterguy and JNF are two of my new bestest buddies.

   March was also a time for family. Mandy and I rented a Three bedroom condo on Mt. Hood for a weekend of skiing at Mt. Hood Meadows. It was a terrific weekend that culminated in a Sunday afternoon snowball fight. Mandy and our daughter Michaela skied for the first time. When we were exhausted we sat on the outdoor patio around a gas fire pit and drank adult beverages.

    The very next weekend was spring break. We had planned a camping trip to the Oregon coast. We awoke Monday to sideways rain and decided to head south. Monday evening we crossed the Bay Bridge at 75 m.p.h. with our 28 ft. travel trailer in tow in sunny San Francisco.  We spent the first part of the week at Half Moon Bay where the movie "Mavericks" was filmed. We spent a day at fishermans  wharf and on a bay tour. Michaela's favorite part was Alcatraz. The last two days of the trip were spent traveling through wine country and at the redwood forest. It was a spontaneous vacation and one of the best we have ever had.

   The remainder of April and all of May was largely spent at track and field events. Michaela was a freshman and made it all the way to districts in the long jump and the triple jump. By the time school was out for the summer we were ready for a vacation.

  We headed for northern Idaho with our boat in tow to spend a week at Dover Bay on lake Pend Orielle in Sand Point Idaho.  It was a great vacation. We road our bikes along 16 miles of The Route of the Hiawatha. The route is an old rail line converted to a bike trail. It has multiple tunnels and tresells the longest of them being a 2 mile long tunnel through the mountains.

 It is a trail rich in history and folklore that should not be missed if you are in the area. We also spent a day at Silverwood theme park. Although Silverwood is much smaller than your average "Six Flags" it still has some pretty great roller coasters and a first rate water park. The rest of our time in Idaho was spent on the lake. We skied and boarded and sunbathed and explored as much of the lake as time would allow. We recommend the floating restaurant in Hope, Idaho for their Mahi Mahi tacos.

   During the 4th of July, my band got to play the headline slot at the go 4th celebration. We played for an estimated 15,000 people. Talk about feeling like a rock star. For the remainder of the summer we juggled camping and boating between summer volleyball and drivers education for our daughter. It is really hard to believe she will be driving soon.

In August our good friends Tony and Ruthie came to the great northwest to spend a weekend at our home. They were are very first house guests and we had a blast. Tony loved the mountains and the volcano. We ate and drank wine and played guitars. I miss them. The last weekend of the summer we awoke to a perfectly flat lake just as the sun was coming up. We were the only boat on the lake at 7:30 am save for a couple of fishermen. The water was still warm despite the chilly night before. We took turns water skiing until our arms were too tired to ski anymore. It was the perfect end to a perfect summer.
   With September came the start of the school year and volleyball season. Michaela's team took 2nd in state and it seemed like the season would never end. We were proud parents as we made the trek to Yakima to watch the state finals. After that came hunting season and although I was skunked this year the season had it's own rewards. It was the first time our daughter went hunting with me and I was able to spend another hunting season with my dad.
   The holidays were quickly upon us and as we tried to prepare for them we were also preparing for our very first cruise. On November 30th we flew to New Orleans to join 13 other couples from Healingwell.com aboard the Norwegian Jewel for a 7 day western Caribbean cruise. It was an amazing vacation and the bonding we shared with our new family was absolutely the best part. I also turned 50 on the 2nd night of the cruise. When you consider that I was never suppose to make it to 50, my birhday was a pretty big deal. 

Two days after my birthday we were in Jamaica. I water skied on the Caribbean and went snorkeling on a coral reef in the crystal clear water. Mandy and I kayaked and swam. It was a wonderful time spent between the two of us. We returned from the Caribbean well tanned and rested. We were richer in spirit for having met so many of our extended family. We miss them already.

   Christmas was upon us the moment we walked through the door. We spent the next two weekends shopping and wrapping gifts. We decorated the tree four days before Christmas Eve and readied our home for the twenty family members who would be arriving. It was a nice Christmas. It was over almost as soon as it started. The decorations were packed and the tree sent to the burn pile. We spent New Year's Eve with family and friends. 

   The year was not without it's downside. We lost a good friend. My nephew was in a tragic accident involving a pedestrian late at night on a dark country road. She stepped out in front of his vehicle. He had no time to react. She was only 15 years old. She is gone and he will never be the same. My Psa began to rise and in July we had to start a new medicine. My numbers have since dropped from 29 to 0.29 

    It is the 2nd of January. 2013 is in the rear view mirror. We fondly say fair well. Welcome 2014. We have no idea what we will do to make this year as good as last but we will be here living out loud and choking the life out of every day. Happy new year everyone. Y.o.l.o. Todd

   

I love Christmas

    It is six a.m. on Christmas Eve day. I am at the the mill for 7 more hours and then I am free. I love this holiday . I love Christmas. I love everything about it. I love the food, the music, and having family over. I love the tree and the lights.  Mostly I love to give gifts. I am a sucker for Christmas. Mandy balances me. There was a time that I would spend money we didn't have to give nice gifts to the people we love. Mandy introduced me to a new concept. It's called a savings account. They should have had those things years ago.   Sometimes it is still tempting to pull out that little piece of plastic but this year I was a good boy. Maybe Santa will put a little something extra under the tree for me because I was so good. Miracles can happen. 

   In our family Christmas Eve is the big family get together. When we bought our home in 2006 my mom was thrilled that it had a large family room on the back of the house. Christmas Eve has been at our place every year since. The past few days have been spent getting our home ready. Mandy has been busy baking and making her smoked salmon dip. The prime rib is seasoned and warming to room temperature. The tree looks beautiful. I felt like a little kid this morning. I haven't felt like this in a long time.

   Last year was the first year without Grampa. My gramma past away the year Mandy and I were married. I miss them the most at Christmas time. I am certain they will be close by. 

   This morning I woke up at 4:30 to be at work by 6:00. I cannot describe the feeling I had inside as I stood in the kitchen making coffee and looking at our daughter asleep on the sofa under a pile of blankets. She stayed up late to finish wrapping gifts for her mom and fell asleep to the glow of the tree lights and of course to the light of the television. There was a cat on each side of her and they must have been cozy as they didn't even come to get their morning piece of turkey. I felt such a warmth in my heart. It was like everything in my world was as it should be. Yes.... There is a Santa Clause. 

   As I was writing this I remembered that I had an oncology appointment yesterday and among other things they drew blood for a P.S.A. I took a break from writing to visit the Kaiser website and check my latest numbers. The numbers dropped again for the fifth consecutive month. I am now all the way down to 0.29. I cannot believe that after 91 months I am still close to zero. I guess I won't be needing anything extra in my stocking after all . What an amazing wonderful Christmas present.

    As I said previously I love Christmas. It hasn't always been this way. When you live in a garage for three years you don't even bother putting up a tree. I didn't have the money for one anyway. One year during that time in my life I did a drive by at a Christmas tree farm and stole one that was growing near the road. Looking back upon that time of my life truly makes me thankful for the blessings in my life. I don't deserve them. There were a host of angels that brought me from the darkness to the light. I will never forget them. Some were merely people who were put in my life when God knew I needed them and I believe some were truly angels. It is Christmas time. It is the season for miracles. I believe in them because I am one. Merry Christmas. Todd

The tide turns

    In January of 2012 faced with a rising P.S.A. and growing metastasis despite continued androgen deprivation therapy I approached my Oncologist at Kaiser Permanente about possible options in my treatment. He informed that there were three possible options available to me. He mentioned Taxotere, Zytiga, and Provenge. I had been following the Provenge saga since my diagnosis in 2006 and I was excited to be a potential candidate for the therapy. After the blood work was completed my case manager told me I was a perfect candidate for Provenge. Mandy and I were elated. We began to plan for the 7 weeks I would be required to miss work and to get all of our other ducks in a row. It was at this time that a C.T. scan was ordered. The scan revealed that I had a 1.5 cm metastasis in my left lung. My oncologist said that due to the lung metastasis I was no longer a Provenge candidate. We appealed the decision citing recent changes to he C.M.S. guidelines stating the only exclusion to Provenge use was Hepatic (liver) metastasis and we were once again placed on the list. A few weeks later in mid February I received a call from my Oncologist. He was calling to inform me that a new scientific study published in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute has proven that Provenge would not work for me. He told me that the evidence had shown I was too young and that Provenge might actually cause the cancer to advance expediatly. Mandy and I were crushed. Once again we were taken off the list. I began to post our frustrations on Healingwell.com. I received a lot of encouragement and a lot of good advice and also to my surprise I began to receive information from an unknown source that the scientific article that my doctor was citing might not pass the smell test. We began to look into things a little deeper and made the decision to fight Kaiser Permanente foregoing all other treatment in an endeavor to receive Provenge. We appealed the decision all the way to the Washington State Insurance Commissioner who ruled in our favor stating that Kaiser had made the decision not to treat on speculation and unproven scientific documentation..

   At this point I must digress. Our appeal process with Kaiser took roughly two months. During this time my Psa had risen from 22 to over 100. It was doubling ever 6 weeks and I began to feel sick again. We were afraid but we knew in our hearts that if we were to have any kind of longevity that I had to receive Provenge first. We began to formulate our backup plan. We would apply for patient assistance through the folks at Dendreon and we would go outside of our H.M.O. Network and see a doctor who would prescribe Provenge. We made an appointment to see an expert in the field of Prostate cancer research who was based in Las Vegas Nevada. The people at Dendreon were wonderful to work with and they helped us every step of the way. My healingwell family who had been following the saga online donated enough money to cover the cost of the trip and for the cost of the appointment. We began to feel confident that no matter what, Provenge therapy was going to happen. We purchased our plane tickets reserved a modest room in Las Vegas and made the appointment with Dr. V. Two days before departure my case manager at Kaiser called to inform me that the State of Washington had ruled in my favor. I was to receive my first Provenge treatment the first week of May, 2012. We had won. I cannot fully describe how we felt inside upon hearing this wonderful news. We cried tears of elation and relief. It was over. We went ahead and kept our appointment with Dr. V as part of the ruling recognized him as an expert in the field and Kaiser was ordered to follow any clinical advice from him verbatim. With the sweet tase of victory frown on our lips we headed to Vegas to meet one of the many people who had made it possible and to celebrate with a very good friend who also was a prostate cancer survivor.

    At the core of Kaisers decision not to provided treatment was the fore mentioned article authored by a Ms. Marie Huber. I had read the article( at least the parts I could understand) and found it ironic that the opinion of a stock analyst with a minor in bioscience could gain so much traction. There were many others within the scientific community that referred to the article as junk science and yet because of this woman's opinion I almost did not receive this potentially life saving treatment. Recently the S.E.C. Filed charges, fined, and suspended Ms. Huber for 6 months on grounds that she essentially used her influence to mislead the medical community while along she would lose massive amounts of money if the price of Dendreon stock did not go in the toilet. I do not claim to know the facts other than what I have read and that is very little to be honest but I know enough. It sickens me that the greed of a few could impact the lives of so many. I am so angry right now it isn't funny. How many men lacked the testicular fortitude to fight for the right to be treated with Provenge having been denied based on the same piece of crap article are no longer with us today. Provenge gave me 14 side effect free, progression free, months before we had to go to another treatment. In the humble opinion of this man she should face charges of unintentional man slaughter. 

   I have many friends within the Dendreon community who have been struggling to keep the ship afloat largely due to the same article that caused me so much anguish. I wish a pro bono attorney would file a law suit against the witch on behalf of me and so many others whose lives were affected by ms. Huber. I pray that Dendreon can right the ship and repair the damage that was done by her lies. Bottom line he treatment works and I will be here many more years because of it. This is just another example of how greed, big money, and Wall Street affect the lives of those of us on main street. Todd

GFMPH

    Two hours from home aboard a Boeing 767. Mandy is 300 pages into her Nicholas Sparks novel and I just witnessed my team suffer their second loss of the season to the 49ers. We are both excited to be close to home. We miss our kids and our dog but we are also sad that we had to say goodbye to our new friends this morning. It was an amazing week. I now fully understand the true meaning of GFMPH

   Several years ago a group of online friends decided it was time for a gathering. They had known each other for years but had never met. All of them shared a common bond. They were all survivors of prostate cancer whom had met on an online forum. This gathering became known as GFMPH. G.F.M.P.H. Is an acronym. It stands for good for my prostate health.  What started as a gathering of a few has grown each year and this last week Mandy and I attended our first such gathering. Although this one was much different from the others it was still nothing short of life changing. 

    Last Saturday Mandy and I landed in the "Big Easy" to embark on the first ever G.F.M.P.H Caribbean cruise. Aboard the N.C.L. Jewel we shared 7 days and nights of bonding with 13 other Prostate Cancer Survivors and their wives under the warmth of the Caribbean sun. We met Saturday evening on the eve of the cruise for an authentic Cajun meal. It was there that many of us met face to face for the first time. We quickly learned that cancer was not our only commonality. It seemed we all love to laugh as well. We knew that evening that the following week was going to be fun but we had no idea that we would come away from the gathering with 26 new family members. 

    Normally these gatherings take place at a forum members home and tend to be more intimate due to the confinement of being in a single location.  Being on an enormous cruise ship and traveling from port to port spreads things out a little. We were surrounded by a few thousand strangers and spread out over several decks of the ship.  We however had a week and the previous gatherings were only for a weekend.  We made the most of the time spent together.

   I never had a complete understanding of the GFMPH gatherings prior to this week. They always sounded like a lot of fun but life changing? I had my doubts. They always occurred a long ways from the west coast. Going to some guys home that I had never met to hang out with a bunch of people I had never met seemed a little weird. I had met only three of my healingwell.com brothers over the years and although upon meeting them we knew we were friends for life I just couldn't grasp the idea of these gatherings. 

    Last March I had the privilege meeting and sharring a meal with two of my healingwell brothers. Waterguy started talking to me that evening about going on the cruise. I told him we would think about it but it was so close to Christmas and our daughter is in high school so I really couldn't see us going. I was wrong. My buddy would not let it rest. I am thankful for his dogmatic attitude. Two months ago he basically told me " Todd, you and Mandy are going on this cruise"
   I can only say so much about this gathering. What happens at gfmph stays at gfmph. The members elect to remain anonymous. The time we spent together however was worth every dime. It's funny how being around other people facing the same demons as yourself can actually make you feel healthier and stronger in your fight. Mandy and I walked away feeling less alone in our situation. I have known most of these people for the better part of six years. Now I have a face to go along with their names. Instead of a screen name and a post on a forum I know I am talking with my family.
   I encourage the folks from ( healingwell.com prostate cancer) to get involved with gfmph and do your best to try and make it to a gathering. It will feel awkward for about five minutes. After that it will feel like coming home. I encourage those who have not found ( healingwell.com Prostate Cancer Forum) to look it up. You will find truth in the statement "no one fights alone"
   The next gathering is in Florida in March. We will be unable to attend that one as I cannot secure the time away from work. We are already planning September in New York though. I guess once you have been to a GFMPH you just naturally want to go to another. Yes my friends, they are that good. My good friend Raddad loved them. I never met him but wish I had. His enthusiasm and faith were contagious. Jennifer if you read this I can only say thank you. I will be sending many photo's in the future. Your father was a wonderful man. He was the best friend I never met and I miss him. That's all I have to say right now. Don't get me wrong. There is much more to say but I am still digesting in my heart what took place this last week. God Bless..... Todd