Appointment anxiety

   I have been dealing with this disease for over 12 years now. 12 Years, 2 months, and 7 days to be exact. I wish I could tell you that appointment anxiety gets better but for me it has pretty much stayed the same. The only difference now is that instead of monthly anxiety I only have to go through it 3 times a year. It is always the same. A week before my appointment I begin to feel phantom symptoms. The day of my appointment I am stressed out. After the appointment I am glued to my phone until my PSA comes back. Once I get the test results I pour a glass of Willamette Vinyard’s Pinot Noir and celebrate the results. It use to be much worse but there are things I have learned to minimize the stress of oncology visits.

   
   The first thing that changed appointment anxiety was making peace with the disease and my own mortality. The process began when our band played at a benefit for a 4 year old little girl who was battling a rare cancer and was losing the fight. Afterward I could not look at my situation the same. She was only 4 Years old. She had never known what it was like to be a little girl. Her entire life was cancer, doctors, chemo, sickness, and hospitals. We all leave this world. My life, despite the challenges and pitfalls, has been amazing. There are many things that I still want to see and do but I have not wasted a day since my diagnosis so when it is my time I hope not to have regrets.

   Another thing that helps anxiety is the realization that PSA is just a number. I have been blessed with non existent PSA for 5 years now but even if it rises it simply means that things will once again be changing. My original PSA was over 3200. I have a long way to go before I see those numbers again. 

   I prepare for my oncology appointment by writing down any questions or concerns that I might have and take those to my appointment. I don’t leave until I feel my doctor has answered them all to my satisfaction.