I awake to an alarm. Mandy wakes to a kiss. She wraps her arms around me. I won't be leaving the bed side anytime soon. :-) five minutes later another kiss goodbye and I head for the door. I put the cats outside on the way to the door, grab my keys, and off to work I go.
This is my life and it is not taken for granted. I often wonder how much longer it will last. I like to work. I like getting dirty and working with my hands. When first diagnosed I thought of going out on disability. It has been seven and a half years and I am still working hard every day. What will happen if or when the day comes that I can no longer perform my duties at work. Sure, I complain about my job almost daily. When I have to climb into a steam vessel or into some shit hole that is covered with grease and water is raining down on my head I ask myself "what the hell am I doing here"? The truth is, what else would I do? Amanda and I make an okay living. We are far from rich. What happens when I can no longer work and must rely on a disability check? I hope these pills continue to work for a long time. In a few years a couple bills will be paid off. Each year after that we will have two more paid off. I have to work five more years. I have to make sure Mandy is going to be financially okay if my health goes in the toilet.
This is my struggle. When my nights are sleepless this is what I think about. It is something I must face alone. It is time to go to work.