Wednesday, February 26, 2014

It's that time of the month again

   I am sorry I haven't written in a long time. We have been doing home remodeling and there just hasn't been enough hours in the day. I love our home but it has issues. The biggest issue is that when the wind blows the draperies move. In the last few weeks we have been trying to remedy the problem. New doors and windows have been on the menu. It is a painstakingly slow process but to me it is fun. We fell in love with our home when we found it but as the new love faded we set to making changes. We are to the point of having only major changes left to make. Doors, windows, carpeting, and hardwood. Painting the house is on the agenda as well as adding covered R.V. space and my personal favorite, enlarge the master bedroom and add walk-in closets and an on-suite
   I see my Oncologist tomorrow and I can feel my blood pressure rising. It use to be that I only felt this way 4 times per year but now with the Zytiga it is a monthly event. Every 28 days I have to brace myself for another P.S.A. test. It is hard for people without cancer to grasp the emotional turmoil a cancer patient must endure every day. We do our best to cope but sometimes it is just plain hard. How long until the medication fails. What will the next one be and how long will it last. They all fail. That is the problem with cancer. The drugs only work for so long. I ache at times. I want life to continue as it is right now. I love my life. It took me 42 years to find real happiness. I want it to last. Reality is that nothing lasts forever. Life changes. We age. We die. Friday I will get my test results. God willing, they will remain the same or lower. Either way I will know something. Next month it will begin again. I never get use to it. I never will. In between I will live. In between I will love. In between I will have a really good time.
  Tonight is the love of my life's birthday. Tonight I forget cancer yet again and devote this evening to her. I can worry tomorrow. Tonight I must live. Happy Birthday Mandy. I love you. Todd