I haven't written in over a month. I have started a couple different drafts but I never put more than a few words on the screen. I have been far too frustrated with the day to day irritations of my life to relax and put pen to paper figuratively. On the cancer front I am doing fantastic. My Psa test two days ago showed that I am completely undetectable. The actual number was <0.05. I have been playing the game for 96 months and I am undetectable. As I sit here, 8 years from diagnosis, it is hard to remember what life was like before cancer. I can't recall what it was like to feel passion. I know how I feel and how I think about things, but I forgot what it feels like to feel masculine. I can make all kinds of jokes about my feminine side, chick flicks, and shoe shopping but they are masks to hide the pain I feel each day. I am not complaining. Far from it! This is a simple acknowledgement of truth. Prostate cancer is a thief. It has stolen my manhood. It has stolen a good part of what it means to be a husband from my wife. It has stolen my energy. It has tried to steal my zest for life. This last month it has come close.
I talked to one of my many friends at Dendreon yesterday. He said he wants me to head south in early June. I hope it happens. It would do me a world of good to see my friends again.
I am fine. I will be fine. Some times it is just hard. Sometimes I need to be vulnerable. This is one of those times. Todd