Monday, April 20, 2015

Sometimes I Forget

As most of you know I have struggled to write as of late. I don't think that will be a problem for a while. Recently, there have been a few things happen that have re-inspired me. 
    When I was first diagnosed I remember spending many sleepless nights on the computer looking for any information that might give me hope. I was fortunate to find a website where a very caring group of men and women helped me through those very dark and trying times. Many times lately I have written and said in regards to cancer that " I have very little to offer. " An email a few weeks ago changed all of that.
    People who don't write on a regular basis can't possibly understand how hard it can be. We bloggers invest a lot of time and effort and sometimes it feels like it doesn't matter if we do it at all. That is where I got it wrong. It does matter. 
I have been in such a good place for so long now that I forgot what it was like to be afraid of the future. I forgot how it feels when numbers say you are not doing well. I forgot what it feels like to have a guy who has been fighting the beast for 9 years tell you to relax..... Everything is going to be alright!
  The person who wrote me the email knows who she is. Thank you. I needed to hear you. I saved the email to file. I cannot read it without tears filling my eyes. Last week I was at the Health E Voices conference sponsored by Janssen. Janssen paid for my travel and hotel expenses as well as meals while I attended the conference. There were sixty or so bloggers and online advocates there representing a spectrum of chronic disease. I felt i in-adequate in their presence. I write a blog. Some of them have literally started foundations and support groups. They are doing awesome things. By the end of the conference I felt renewed and ready to get back to work. 
   Today I got my P. S.A. results back. I have now been at undetectable levels for over a year now. I have been on Zytiga for 20 months and 12 of them I have been a zero. 
  Those of you who read my blog..... Thank you. Those of you who follow my blog...... I thank you as well. Those of you who comment and email me..... Many many thanks. You keep me going. Mahalo. Todd

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