Wednesday, May 18, 2016

To break or not to break???????

    I am almost out of pills. Kaiser called yesterday to inform me I was late for my lab work. I have yet to schedule an appointment. My Lupron shot is due in a month. I am in no hurry to schedule an appointment for that either.
   I need a break. I need some testosterone. I need to feel strong. My medical team is in complete agreement with each other. They say it is too risky for me to go off medication. They also said I was going to be dead 9 years ago. Defying them was easy when it meant outliving their expectations. Discontinuing treatment is a whole lot harder. What would a rock star do? 
I don't know. I don't know what I am going to do. I am afraid to stop treatment but I have a 30 year plan. I am only a third of the way there. Will the long term effects of treatment become more of a problem than the cancer? Although I have yet to fill my Zytiga prescription, I did have my labs drawn last Friday. More than likely I will fill my prescription this week. It took 7 days to realize that I am not so stupid as to play Russian Roulette with cancer. I am doing well. I tolerate Zytiga well. My liver and kidneys are showing no sign of stress from treatment. I am not a rock star. I am just a very blessed guy. Maybe a holiday wouldn't hurt me. Maybe it would help the cancer re-establish a foot hold. 
   Our daughter graduates in two weeks. We are sending her and our eldest daughter to Disneyland for 4 days. Yesterday our granddaughters were up for a visit. Without Zytiga I wouldn't be here to see it. Life is good. Todd