Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Another Anniversary

   Today is the 11 year anniversary of my stage IV diagnosis. 11 years!!! 
  I am not sure how this post became public. It wasn't finished yet. 
   It is at times, hard to believe, 11 years has past. Today I am reflecting on those early days so many years ago. Those were the hard times.   Those were the days when the gravity of my condition came crashing down around me..
The problem is that it feels  like a distant dream. It doesn't seem real anymore. I am connected to those days only because I know that some day this Cancer could come back.
I have nothing to write about and I am good with that. Nothing to write about means cancer is not the focal point of our lives. Nothing to write about is a good thing. 
   I have adjusted to the new normal. I am happy. We live our life as though cancer was never a part of it. We plan for the future. We celebrate today. We look forward to retirement. We both know someday it can come back. Ignorance is bliss I guess. 
   One day I will have something to write about. I do not look forward to that day. I hope and pray that it never happens. Maybe I am the patient who received the right treatments at the right time. Maybe the cancer that wanted to kill me is dead. There is faith and there is doubt. It becomes mental masturbation. There are so many what if's.
I still lose friends. Children lose fathers. Wives lose husbands. Men die. I thrive. 

Two weeks ago I waterskied behind the new boat. I crashed and cracked a rib. I am in a lot of pain but it will heal and the pain will cease. For my friends the pain doesn't end. I carry them in my heart. They are never far from my thoughts and prayers. 
  I am selfish. I never want this remission to end. 

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