Saturday, September 28, 2013

The view of others.

At times we need to look at ourselves through the eyes of our peers. As we walk through our daily lives we most likely will not see the subtle daily changes but today I found out that others do. Today while I was walking through the mechanical department exchanging insults with my co-workers and generally being a complete smart @$$ one of the supervisors made the comment " you really do feel good don't you? " I paused and thought for a moment before saying. "Yes I do, I really do feel good Kevin"
His reply caught me a little off guard. He said " you look good, You look better than I have seen you look in a long time.  A year and a half ago I didn't think you were long for this life."
I didn't see the difference in my appearance. I didn't think that I looked sick. I really do feel good. Except for the hour of morning sickness after taking the Zytiga. I wish I didn't have to take this stuff. My testosterone level is fractional. I have lost 12 pounds. I think I am losing muscle mass and the hot flashes are the worst but I don't feel sick. People talk to me again. It's funny how they didn't talk much when I looked sick. Maybe they didn't know what to say. Maybe I didn't have much to say. Cancer, for quite some time, was all I had to talk about. Mandy told me I have had a gleam in my eye again since my first infusion of Provenge. Whether it is the medication or the hope that it gave matters not. The bottom line is I am alive, I feel good, and others around me can see it. How is it that money and outside interest can play such a huge role in the treatment of cancer? It appalls me that wall street impacts cancer treatment in the name of the almighty dollar. My humble opinion, "there is a special place in hell for those seeking to profit at the expense of those who suffer from cancer." Asta lavista baby