The Waiting

From the time my blood is drawn at the lab until the test results are available is usually less than 24 hours. Oh how I hate those 24 hours. They seem to drag on and on. Nothing however is longer or harder on my nerves than those few minutes it takes on the phone to get the results.
    It is 11:30 p.m. August first and although I woke up at 4 a.m. today in order to be at work by 5:30 I am still wide awake. Today was my daughters 27th birthday. I wish I was 27 and had never heard of Prostate cancer.
   As I sit alone in the dark I am wondering what tomorrow will bring. If my numbers are down perhaps all of the phantom pains in my legs will go away. If they are up then what will the next step be. Will I go on Zytiga or mdv 3100. Will I still be able to work while taking those drugs. Will the next drug work as good as the last ones. It is going to be a sleepless nigbt.
   This really is the hardest part about this disease. I live life 3 months at a time. When I get my results back tomorrow, if they are good I won't think about cancer much for three more months. My wife will worry more than I do. At least she can sleep. Seven years one month and twenty five days since diagnosis and I still get uptight when I get blood work done.
   I am going to be 50 in three months and 18 minutes. I didn't think I would make it this far. I will dance at my grand daughters weddings. I will hold my my great grand babies someday. It is so tiring to always be strong. I am tired. It is time to sleep I think. Good night.